


32

by Ljubicica



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Parent-Child Relationship, Past Infidelity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-04 15:19:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10993605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ljubicica/pseuds/Ljubicica
Summary: It's Robert's birthday. And his life is a mess. But he's not alone.





	32

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at my own birthday couple weeks ago when I was really down. And in this story Rebecca and Robert have a child. So if you don't want to read anything like that, just skip it. I didn't want this kind of SL either, but publishing this is just late unwanted gift for me.

Robert stretched lazily in worm bed. He slept longer than usual, decided to treat himself. It was his birthday after all. The sound of dishes downstairs woke him up; probably Aaron and Liv finished their breakfast. He got up and checked his phone, few Happy Birthday messages from old mates and clients, proper essay from Vic, couple lines from Diane, Have a nice day from Rebecca. His life was turned upside down this year. He became a father. Rebecca and he came to the solution of raising their child together. It was nightmare but this time there was no way out. Aaron and he fallen out after his confession, but found their way to each other again, eventually. And being with Aaron was the best gift he ever received. He dressed up and headed downstairs.  
\- Morning – he greeted his chosen family.  
\- Finally decided to show your ugly face – Liv responded. Aaron smiled at her.  
\- I’ve got a busy day, Adam set up this new deal, so I guess I’ll see you at dinner time – Aaron added.  
\- Yeah, OK – Robert said with fake smile. If he didn’t know any better he would thought Aaron was pretending about forgetting his birthday and planned him surprise party. But that wasn’t the case. He just didn’t remember. And Robert didn’t have a right to be hurt. Not after everything. But he couldn’t help felt disappointed. He knew he deserved to suffer and watching Aaron and Liv leaving left him with pain in his chest and irrational desire to peal his skin and became someone else.  
He wondered trough house all day. Well at least till the secluded lunch with his sister.  
\- Wow, Vic, that was a first class meal, I feel honored – Robert said grinning proudly at his sister.  
\- Don’t get used to it. It was one time deal. – She answered smiling. – So, what Aaron gets you?  
\- I don’t know yet – Robert stated looking at his feet.  
\- Oh, he forgot, didn’t he? – Vic was staring at him with sympathy in her eyes, which he didn’t deserve, not by a long shot.  
\- Can’t really blame him, can I? – Robert countered feeling guilty and helpless at the same time.  
\- I know, but still, it’s…  
Robert cut her off – It’s fine, we’re together, that’s all that matters to me.

 

He prepared dinner to Aaron and Liv. They eat in silent and after it Aaron and Robert got upstairs to bed. Aaron was obviously tired from work and fell into sleep immediately. Robert kissed his shoulder and wrapped himself around him. Best gift ever.

 

Aaron and Liv were having their brew in the cafe when Rebecca came along.  
\- Is Robert around? – She asked.  
\- No, he has a meeting today – Aaron answered with obvious discomfort looking at child in her hands, living reminder of Robert’s infidelity.  
\- I gave you yesterday to be all cozy and happy, considering it was his birthday, but I need him to take care of his son this afternoon, I have my meetings as well.  
Aaron tried to hide his surprise and anger, mostly toward himself by her words – Of course, don’t worry about that.  
When she left he felt a knot in his gut. How he forgot his husband’s birthday. And she remembered.

 

Later when he and Liv were at home he could feel her gaze on him. Finally she spoke  
\- He didn’t look angry that we forget his birthday?  
\- No, I guess not. – It was all Aaron could say. He didn’t like it, tho. Robert always made a huge fuss over his and Liv’s birthday.  
\- Should we say something when he gets back? – Liv asked concerned.  
\- We’ll see, all right?  
Robert entered the room and sat at the table with two of them. He sensed something between Aaron and Liv.  
\- Is everything all right? – He questioned frowning.  
Aaron and Liv looked at each other uncomfortably.  
\- Yeah, Rebecca wondered if you can get your son for couple of hours because she got some meetings today. – Aaron said.  
\- I know, don’t worry, I won’t bring him ever here – Robert responded, his voice laced with something Aaron couldn’t put his finger at. He stood up from the table and headed trough he door.  
And then nothing. Aaron didn’t hear second door closed. He went after Robert to find him in hallway all breathing heavy and sweating.  
\- Robert? Are you all right?  
\- Yeah, just need a bit of space  
But Aaron wasn’t buying it. Robert’s whole body was shaking and his hand was on his chest like he was trying to caught his breath and Aaron knew that feeling too well, it was panic attack. Aaron took his hand and led him inside, Liv disappeared immediately. 

\- Robert, is this because I forgot your birthday?  
\- What? No, I don’t give a damn about it.  
\- I’m really sorry; you know I’m rubbish at remembering that kind of things. – Aaron added guilty.  
\- I know, its fine, honestly.  
\- Then why are you like this? Is something happened? Robert, talk to me.  
\- I can’t. – Robert sighed in frustration. His head was all over the place. He couldn’t take it anymore. It was too much. Tears were stubbornly forming in his eyes and he couldn’t do anything to stop them. He was glancing all over the room trying to compose himself. But it was too late. He was shaking and his cheeks were wet. When he spoke his voice was broken. – I hate this. It’s all wrong.  
Aaron waited patiently. He knew better than interrupting Robert when he was vulnerable. Only this time he didn’t know what to expect. He thought they were good. Well as good as they could consider everything.  
\- I never wanted this. I made massive mistake and cause so much pain. And now some innocent creature will suffer because of that. All those hate and looks that he gets, its all on me. And I can’t shield him. Can’t protect him and that’s what parent should do. But I’m incompetent and useless like always. True disappointment. My dad was right about that one. He wanted me, you know, a child with my mom. And then she died and he was stuck with me. But he couldn’t love me. He wanted me and yet he couldn’t bring himself to love me. How could I ever give my child enough love when I even didn’t want to be a father? Not like this anyway. My dad never understood me. He didn’t think I was worth even trying to. Just replaced me with better version. Andy. What does that tell you about me? The best thing my father said to me is that he doesn’t hate me. I was his son, but I was so unlovable. – Robert put his hands on his face trying to wipe some tears. But it was pointless, its just kept coming. – I can’t even look at you without feeling guilty every single day. And you are my home, my happy place, my sanctuary. And I ruined it. That is what I do best. And then I have to go out to the world and pretend I’m fine, because I don’t deserve sympathy, carry my child around ignore Whites’ venom comments, Dingles constant digs, even my own sister can’t look at my son without glint of resentment. But the worst part is he’s just innocent baby. He didn’t do wrong by anyone, just had a misfortune to be mine. I know I’m rubbish; you don’t deserve my self pity speech, not after everything. You’ve been brilliant, it’s me, and I’m weak and pathetic. You should quit on me, find someone proper, someone worth your time, because sure as hell, that’s not me.  
Aaron was taken aback with Robert’s confession. He knew he was struggling, but in this length and for so long, it was a surprise. He couldn’t find right words to comfort him, seeing Robert so heartbroken cut his heart to peaces. At last he managed to mumble – You have to forgive yourself. I did.  
Finally Robert met his gaze. Robert’s eyes were red, swollen and sad, like someone drain life and light from its.  
\- You shouldn’t. I don’t deserve it.  
\- Let me be judge of that. – Aaron stated firmly.  
\- Well, you’re fool.  
\- Maybe, but I love you and I want you in my life. You being stupid idiot doesn’t change that.  
Robert’s mouth curled up in small smile. – Why I had to fall in love in you? You put impossible standards to follow. It would be a lot easier if you were some jerk with hot body.  
Aaron let a small laugh. – You love me because I’m grumpy idiot with big heart.  
\- I do. – Robert said sadly loosing himself in Aaron’s eyes full of love. He reached out and fell into Aaron’s embrace. They were hugging for a while now, when Robert’s phone started to ring. Rebecca. Robert couldn’t bring himself to answer. He was too fragile, just whispered into Aaron’s ear – Don’t let me go.  
\- I won’t, I promise. But right now you have to go. Your son needs you. And we’re gonna sort everything, ok? You and me, yeah?  
\- Yeah.  
When Robert left Liv came down. She looked concerned – Is he gonna be OK?  
\- Of course. – Aaron stated unconvincingly.  
\- Did he just have some kind of nervous breakdown?  
\- It appears so, but we’ll help him, yeah?  
Liv nodded. – He knows that I don’t really hate his child, right?  
\- None of us do. 

After day like this, Aaron had to do something. He went to a pub. Chas was in the back room.  
\- Hiya love, everything all right? – She frowned noticing Aaron’s serious face.  
\- No, not really. Can you promise me that if I tell you something it will remain between us?  
\- OK, what is it?  
Aaron told her most of Robert’s break down. He had to share it with someone. He was scared for him.  
\- I didn’t have clue how he must be feeling, that’s the worst mum.  
\- It’s not your fault. Don’t you dare to blame yourself! – Chas shouted.  
\- He is my husband, I should support him!  
\- He doesn’t deserve you, or your support! You never should get back with him, or be with him in the firs place, he’s bad news Aaron and he knows it!  
Aaron got up; he didn’t need this right now.  
\- Aaron, wait…  
\- I came here for your advice, because you’re my mum, but it turns out all you can think is your own hatred towards him, so this was mistake.  
\- No, all I care is you and I want you to be happy. – Chas pleaded.  
\- Robert makes me happy. He always did. Despite of everything. 

 

It was dark when Robert barged in the Mill. Aaron prepared them a dinner and they ate in silence.  
\- Come on, we’re both tired so call it a day and go to bed? Aaron suggested.  
Robert met his eyes and nodded.  
They were lying under duvet, staring at the selling with big weight on their shoulders. Aaron rolled over and put half of his body on Robert. His head was in the crook of Robert’s neck. Robert wasn’t able to move. He felt if he even lifted a finger this fragile bubble will disappear. He herd Aaron’s whisper – No one makes me happy as you do. Remember that. I want you, all of you. I always knew that you’re trouble, but it didn’t stop me from falling in love with you, completely and utterly. You did hurt me, a lot. But I want us to work. You’re my home, too. And tomorrow you’re gonna bring your son here and let me to meet him properly, OK? I mean it Robert.  
\- OK.

They both knew it will be hard. But as long as their love is strong, they’ll find a way to be happy.


End file.
